Book. "Elements Avalanche (english)" read online

Elements Avalanche (english)

JungAidee

Story about:aliens, teenagers, teen fiction

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Rating:
5
13 21 3253

Ranking:
#449 in Young adult
#175 in Supernaturals


On Hold: 18 Sep 40 pages

Publication: 28.02.2019 — ...


Description of book "Elements Avalanche (english)"

In a far away future, a pacific town has been able to endure the incessant attack from an alien species called "Dards" but it's about to change as they run out of military forces. Their salvation resides on an experiment tested on kids more than a decade ago.

Comments on book:

Total number of threads: 10

Celeste I. 26.08.2019, 09:33:53

Well, I see potential in the story. I do have some critique with it though. One, I would've appreciated if we knew more about the main characters before they got escorted to combat.

I'm also not the biggest fan of the emphasis on telling instead of showing. ("Yukio, being the mature one in the group" I forgot which chapter had that line, but that's unnecessary, actions from the character's behavior and actions can speak more than words. Also, something like "The little girl smiled happily" That's also not needed, you could change the wording like "She chirped" or "She grinned, her face brightened up" or something like that? I don't know; you can show the behavior of a character and not just say a character is 'surprised' or the like)

I'm not a fan of the government and their behavior. I know they're trying to fend off against the dards, and while we don't need to know about them (although I think there's more to them than what we're led to believe), they're mysterious creatures, after all, I don't think experimenting on children is justified. Why'd they even do kids? Did I miss something? I'm surprised the kids and their parents went along with this.

This thread has 4 Comments. Show

The last comment in the thread:

Celeste I. 09.09.2019, 00:01:30

JungAidee, Ah, interesting. Please don't spoil them for me then; I look forward to seeing some of my questions answered (again, not everything needs to be explained, but I feel like some should have some clarity).

I didn't realize English wasn't your first language. I'm sorry, I should've been nicer on the grammar standpoint since I know it must be hard for you to translate. But, I think you've done an excellent job on that, considering the fact :(

I know the feeling of intending for a story to be shorter than expected, but they end up getting ridiculously long. I have that issue all the time with my stories, to be honest, :P

No problem, I'm glad you found my advice helpful. I was worried I came off as too negative and critical, but I did my best to point out the positives on what makes the story works so far as well.

Of course, I'll let you know about the story and characters structures/arcs and what I think works and doesn't work.

Sweet, I look forward to future chapters and images then~

Hannah Parizo 23.08.2019, 20:52:40

will you publish it full one day?:D

The last comment in the thread:

JungAidee 24.08.2019, 05:38:15

Yess!!! ?

Grace 19.04.2019, 19:19:33

very good but too slow updating

Pauletta Attaway 18.04.2019, 23:56:17

glad you´ve updated

Kelli Callahan 03.03.2019, 12:44:13

wow..let´s see what will happen when he enters

This thread has 3 Comments. Show

The last comment in the thread:

Jessica Wright 16.03.2019, 14:57:45

JungAidee, They'd better :p

Nicole Preedy 04.03.2019, 18:24:59

scary a bit

The last comment in the thread:

JungAidee 11.03.2019, 04:46:05

Really?

Cathy Evans 06.03.2019, 12:13:41

I love these pics in every chapter

The last comment in the thread:

JungAidee 11.03.2019, 04:45:09

Thanks. Hope they help you imagine the characters better.

Marie Thomas 02.03.2019, 13:33:02

so atmospheric

The last comment in the thread:

JungAidee 11.03.2019, 04:43:42

Thank you

Jeanette Adams 01.03.2019, 12:55:27

need more pages

The last comment in the thread:

JungAidee 01.03.2019, 17:22:21

More pages coming soon.

Lizzie Dunlap 28.02.2019, 15:09:18

very nice, hope you´ll continue

The last comment in the thread:

JungAidee 28.02.2019, 22:32:46

Thanks

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