"The train ... a car full of people ... everyone is doing something ... the locomotive flies at full steam, like a whirlwind of life, carries everyone in the cars forward ... Anton desperately runs after the car, tries to hold on ... He wants to people, to life ... he wants to climb back, into the carriage... He clearly sees that his sons are standing nearby, in the vestibule... smiling... Anton stretches out his hands and falls down..."
- Oh, Lord, dream like this!! - profuse sweat appeared on the forehead of sleepy Anton, who blinked his eyes without understanding and tried to understand everything: did he cling to that damned carriage - or not!?
Outside it was drizzling a little lingering rain. Yellow autumn leaves were slowly falling to the ground. The wind was gaining strength and was pelting the window with raindrops, trying to reach Anton's alarmed face.
- Don't prove it, Lord! Anton repeated. He still could not forget this cursed dream, which did not get out of his head and suggested that something was not good. - Maybe it will pass.
Anton did not yet know that very little time would pass and he would remember this prophetic dream more than once.
- What are you rehearsing? - was heard annoyed in the telephone receiver. - I myself know what to do.
- But I just wanted to remind you, but I ... and I ... - mumbled Anton offended into the receiver.
He turned off the connection and smiled bitterly:
- Yes... that's what you have - survived...
Anton, knowing the importance of timely submission of documents to the DPI, tried to draw his eldest son's attention to this, but it turned out as usual...
"It's okay - I cut it off abruptly, so what? Anton persuaded himself. He tried to analyze what had got him so hooked. But in his heart he understood that this was simply not respect for an older, gray-haired man and, in addition, his father!! - No!! You can't do that! Is that how I taught my sons? What has happened lately?"
Earlier, in his youth, it seemed to Anton that a person of respectable age, especially one close to him, should simply be respected. Now, when he himself became such, Anton also counted on respect and honor from his loved ones.
- And you earn so that you are respected, ach... - the wife had her own point of view on this.
- So you think that I haven't earned anything in my life yet?
- The children have already grown up and you don't occupy them.
- So now, it turns out, I have to be silent, or ask permission to speak? So? - Anton remembered the fairy tale "Frost" - Well... Well...
Anton knew that his wife would always be on the side of his sons, but from time to time he tried to prove that, regardless of adulthood, everyone should understand and respect each other.
"Well, what does a person need if he lives to retire, having given his best years to his family? - only one thing is needed: gratitude, respect and honor... - that's what Anton thought, that's how it seemed to him, he didn't even allow the thought that it would be somehow different."
But over time, he began to notice that he was simply not heard. Sometimes they simply ignored it - as if it were not there. Sometimes they just cut off a word... And who? - The closest people to him are his family!!
"What is this? Why so? - Anton could not calm down. - He felt with all his soul that he and his opinion no longer have a special place!!. - Why? He has not yet survived the madness. He has great experience, excellent education. He is respected by friends, students, and colleagues. His opinion is listened to and even paid a lot of money. Why then is he not respected at home?"
"Why doesn't he want to go home after work? Why does it matter subconsciously to Anton?
who is in the family Maybe he is fed up with everyone? Or maybe he is too much with his worries? Anton knows examples of how unfortunate children appreciate their parents - alcoholics, who did not receive the kind of care that Anton gave. Why?? How can it be like this? This is not right!! - cried the soul and mind of an adult, gray-faced person, who finally managed to stop and think about what was done in life"
Anton's hot brain had to get the answer to all these questions. He demanded, he cried out for an explanation of his condition. He was not satisfied with all this. Peace and joy gradually gave way to anxiety and constant tension. Even from childhood, Anton understood that the most vulnerable side of his soul is humiliation. Anton never allowed this during all the years he lived.
Everything was pain and loss, but not humiliation!! Never!!
Anton returned to the past - when the children were small, everything was in its place. Depression and stress began much later - when the children became adults. And it was not problems that scared Anton, but the soul of each of his loved ones. It would seem that it should be the other way around - all are adults and intelligent, have wealth and income, their families and problems - how can one not understand that everyone can solve all problems together. But at the same time, one thing must be preserved - a sense of respect and care for each other.
- What has happened in recent years? Anton asked himself.
Yes, my sons graduated from high school. Then vocational school, army, institutes. Ah... How it all was recently... - Anton remembered everything... everything...
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