I only had the image of Alice's vision in my head, hell! For some reason I get to kill the fragile and clumsy girl Swan, but I do not understand how, I know that my intense desire to wrest her blood from her body is or could become stronger than all my years of good control and stability that I have carried so far.
However, it was not the only vision that Alice had, Bella would turn into a bloodsucker like me, which makes me worry even more, how the hell does Isabella Swan transform into a vampire? I have to assume that she finds out the truth, but how?
Edward? Are you okay?
Alice's mind was altered, it was obvious that my gaze lost in my thoughts worried her.
- Edward! -Alice screamed as she saw my indifference to her last thoughts.
- How does that happen? - I ask her with an annoyed and altered tone - it's impossible for that to happen.
- What do you mean? Alice asks.
- Could someone explain what's going on? - Rosalie says when she sees the commotion.
-Edward saw a vision where the human was one of us, that's all -Alice answered in a voice that would reassure anyone except me.
- Why don't you dare to say the other? -I say with a tone of annoyance- Tell them how I ended up killing Bella -I enrage a little more.
- Bella? You already tell him by her name -Rosalie commented irritated.
- Does that matter? -I answered him as if I was outraged- Didn't you hear what I said? I will kill her!
- Edward! Stop it, don't be mortified by a vision that might not happen -Alice spoke trying to make me calm down.
- What if it happens? I'll kill an innocent girl Alice -I don't let Alice say anything, I walked away before that.
Edward, you must calm down.
I turned to see who I am altering his thoughts to, it was Carlisle, he has always cared about me, and he has supported me whenever I need it, I could not refuse to talk to him if it was what he wanted right now.
-Carlisle -I said anguished-, what should I do? -I asked like a 5 year old.
-Edward, son, I know you're not a monster and you know it too, we all know it here -he approached to put his hand on my shoulder.
He seemed calm, he spoke with such confidence and assurance, as if he believed that I would not be able to kill Bella.
-Carlisle, if you felt what I feel when I was close to her, you would not continue to think that I am not capable of killing her.
It was true, I was not trying to victimize myself, being close to her was an agony, a pain so intense that it made me want to die at that moment.
-Edward I understand you, believe it or not -he walks away to take a seat.
-Oh yeah? -I asked confused- How is that? -I sit in front of him.
Carlisle's mind was very calm, he seemed not to mind telling me about his beginnings as a vampire, he admitted that he just like we all started out of control but that he managed to find the peace he needed to be in control, Esme, the way he thought while he talks about how he fell in love with her even being human was still something I had never seen, many would call it: "true love", but can you love someone you could kill at any moment?
What am I saying? It seems that I'm believing that Edward Cullen would love an insignificant human like Bella Swan, love such a defenseless being? That sounds impossible, I must get those thoughts out of my head, that will never happen.
Edward, are you better now?
It was Alice, she looked distressed, her thoughts did not stop flowing like water in a river, but not for the girl, it was for me, how can she feel distressed for me? I am the monster, it is Bella who is in danger.
-I'm fine but Bella won't be Alice -I just clenched my teeth to keep from screaming again-, I know she's just one more human and you're not interested, but Alice -I felt a strange lump in my throat and Alice interrupted me.
The tone of her voice saying my name I had never heard, she seemed more interested in the matter as if it were the most important thing in her life, and that only puzzled me more.
-I am worried about Bella, really -she seemed very sure of what she said-, believe it or not.
-Don't lie Alice, you don't even know her -I answered with a somewhat annoyed tone.
I didn't really believe anything, maybe she just wanted to feel empathy for me or something similar, but she bothered me anyway.
-Well, maybe you're right, I'm not worried about Bella -her tone of assurance changes.
- I knew it! -I yelled really annoyed at her attempt at hypocrisy.
- For now! -Alice answered as if she were a child winning a trophy of who is better.
- For now? - I was more confused than before.
-I will not deny that I am indifferent Bella, at least for now -she paused so that she could see in her mind, I didn't do it-. I have seen it Edward, Bella and I will be very good friends."
- You lie! -I answered quickly.
-See in my mind! And tell me if I'm not lying -she was so sure of herself that I accepted and saw.