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A single tear fell from my eyes as I look at the ripped off pages of the book. I slam the 800-page book close like I should have when I got it. This was one of the only things my mom left for me. Now she's in the far end of the town at St. Claire, 'Kristy Griffin' written on her tombstone. It's been a week since that night, since that so called 'accident'.
I know better, I may be planning to be an author but medicine is my minor in college. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle death after Josh. And I was right, I can't. Joshua was my little brother who drowned when he was two. Death is so common in this family that it just doesn't seem normal anymore.
And now that I think about it, my dad suicided when I was three. According to the police, he was depressed and drunk that day when he too drowned in the lake. It was exactly two years since Josh died so everyone in town believed it.
Justin knocks on the already open door to let me know he's here. He's my littlest brother and the only family I have left. He comes up to the couch near the window in our mom's room, or what used to be her room and asks, "Finished reading mom's journal Hannah?"
I would've cried again if my bloodshot eyes weren't already dry. I open the journal and point out the torn pages inside. He gets up and comes to hug me his eyes still wet with tears. I pull away sometime later. We don't say a word for sometime qbefore Justin says that pizza's here.
We both get down and I toss the pizza into the oven to heat it up. The weather in a small countryside in North Dakota doesn't exactly help keeping the pizza warm. I sit down on the window seat next to a bookcase when my phone pings with a text from my publisher.
*Hi, heard about ur mom. Sorry for your loss*
I'm so damn tired of hearing that. Everyone expects me to be sad and broken, but I'm angry at my mom for leaving us in this hopeless world. And being angry at her makes me feel guilty somehow.
*Hey Denise, thanks... I guess*
What are you supposed to tell someone who acts sad for a dead person who they didn't even know? Honestly, now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's always like that with Denise Liaz.
*So... About that deadline. I need something to tell the company that 'Overthinking things' wasn't just a fluke*
Wow, that shoe dropped faster than expected. My first book turned out to be better than I expected. I got an offer from Vance publication to publish it and I took it. Freshmens usually don't get offers like this, so when I did, I couldn't say no. Christian Vance, the CEO, also happens to be Denise's boyfriend. So I can't upset her even if I want to.
*I know, I'm trying. Just need a little break, that's all*
How am I supposed to write about an ending where everyone is happy when I'm not? That's the thing, I can't.
*I get it dear, you've been through a lot*
Wait, what? Is Denise typing this or did someone kidnap her and steal her phone? The latter is more obvious than the former. My phone beeps again.
*...so, use that to complete your next bestseller =) *
*Fine Whatever.* I type and switch off my phone. I'll text her later that my battery died or whatever.
Then, I look at something through the window, or rather someone. The foggy evening makes it hard to make out who it is. I squint through the window to find the guy I thought I'd never see again. I wish he's lost or something and is totally not coming to my house. He's jogging to my house. It's been years since I last met him. What will he say? What will I say? He steps up to my porch and I hear him knocking. Why? Why me? Why now? Why again?