Font size: - +
It's been a month since you died. A whole month of misery and pain. I can not fathom how much pain I feel inside of me. As I write to you at the moment, the tears seem to fall ceaselessly.
Much hasn't really happened here because I can't seem to leave my room. It seems so strange to realize that my room which made me super comfortable has become a place of so much melancholy.
Well, you are the reason for it! Memories of all we've done together in here keep flooding my thoughts and I can't think straight.
I doubt if you know him but Peter, mum's Bodyguard, stopped by and persuaded me into writing to you. It felt odd because although I've always considered him family, he had never been to my room nor given me so much advice since he began to work here many years ago. As I write, he's currently in my room, waiting to collect my letter to you. Weird right?
I still make use of my braille system of writing. Leaving my blindness behind seems so difficult. Sometimes, I forget I can see but reality hits me whenever I remember you aren't here.
I... I miss you so much Jason! Writing these words aren't enough to express this ache buried so deep inside of me. Why did death have to take you away just when I thought of being completely happy?
By the way, I never got to say this, but you're the most handsome man I've ever seen. Tess brought in some of your pictures and I haven't been able to stop looking at you. I wish I had told you so many things.
I wish I could hold you right now and never let you go. You promised we were stuck with each other forever, why did you have to leave me again and this time, more dreadful?
Tears are all I have left. Tears and memories.
You made me feel loved and beautiful. You were the kindest and sweetest person ever. So compassionate and selfless! You never wanted to leave me even if it meant not getting a job at a multi million dollar company. Even if it meant forsaking your dreams.
I feel so guilty for letting you go. If I hadn't compelled you to leave, you'd still be here. But somehow I feel you wouldn't want me to blame myself.
You'd want me to be happy! To live life to the fullest. You'd want me to watch the sunrise and sunset. To laugh and scream. To have more friends. To be the daughter my parents always wanted.
You'd want me to be me!
You'd want me to love!
But I can't.
You're the only man I have ever loved and will always love. My first and only.
I can't picture myself in the arms of another. You've branded me, ruined me for others. And I intend to be branded by you for life!
I wish we had more time.
I wish we loved more.
I wish to see you again.
Right now all I have is God and my family.
I don't know what God has in store for me. I wonder if this anguish will pass away.
They say time heals everything but I don't know how I'd ever get past this.
But I know it's gonna be alright. You've taught me to be brave. To give life a shot. To have faith and believe in the plan of God.
It's gonna be alright.
But I will always be yours just the way you will be mine. Forever!
I love you now and always,