Chapter 5

Jimin's pov

In the way back to the dorm Jungkook had the idea of buying all the members ice cream, really Jungkook, you had to choose the 160 calories dessert, couldn't we just get some oven baked chips, they are like 45 calories, ugh I'm such a calorie nerd but i can't help it, the less feels better.

This ice cream isn't a plate i can eat some of, it's a cone that should end completely, this is too much, more calories than i had in the past three days, thank you Jungkook.

I used to really enjoy ice cream, such a shame, and he got my favorite flavor, nesscafe, such a caring person he is, i start unwrapping the cone after a glance at the members who had already started eating away their ice creams, should he throw this up right after or wait till lunch, maybe pretend to sleep and skip lunch but get rid of this, his mind works a 1000 miles an hour and he can't really focus on anything but how to run away from this.

"Jimin, your ice cream is dripping, lick it already" says Taehyung " uh, yeah" i say and get the caloriefull sweet thing closer to my mouth, and finally, i feel that taste again, wonderful, amazing, delicious, my senses are all engaged by this incredible feeling, oh how i missed thsi, it's a bit too sweet but soon i get adapted to it and eat it hungirly, then ' are you really gonna eat all ot that, you swine fat ugly lazy loser' ugh can't i just enjoy one thing in life without that voice ruining it for me.

I try to eat as best as i can after that poisonous thought passed my head, I do actually finish it, it was so good, a guilty pleasure, that's really followed by amounts of guilt, he hit 42 kilos this morning, if only he could go foodless for three more days he would reach his goal of 40 kilos, why did this have to happen?

" lunch is going to be ready in half an hour everyone, don't let this treat ruin your appetite please I've worked so hard on this" Jin announced, that actually makes another wave of guilt wash over me, Jin works so hard on these meals he makes us and I waste it away, but I do appreciate his hard work I really do.

I play some video games with Jungkook and Taehyung till lunch is ready and Jin calls us to make the table, I love to help at the making, but not at the actual thing of eating, it really stresses me out, today we have kimichi and chicken and noodles, he smells are all over the place.

We sit around the table and start eating, everyone but me I'm still calculating, a pack of calories would be 345 calories, I can scoop out less than that, the fried chicken though, it's a 150 calories per piece, and the kimichi, it's really the safest thing around here 20  calories per piece, okay I'm ready now.

I start taking some noodels in my plate and fill the rest with kimichi, I know I'll get rid of this but at least it's comforting to know how much I have consumed, I start eating and the kimichi and noodles are really spicy, they burn all over my mouth and lips, that's going to burn as hell when I try to get rid of it.

After lunch I help Jin with the dishes and head to my room, I'm trying to be as helpful as possible after that talk with Jungkook, he said all the members are worried.

Once I'm in my room, I lock the door and head to the bathroom, I like the idea of having my own bathroom that I can do whatever at, I bend over the toilet and start my work, God! That hurts, all the chilli burning through my digestive system all over again, my throat is on fire, then comes the ice cream making a disgusting combination with the chilli . Once I'm dry heaving and I know there's nothing else I sit down there taking my breath.

After a good while I get up, brush my teeth and take a shower, a hot warming shower is what I really need right now, I close my eyes as the water goes smoothly through my hair and down my face, I savior this moment of peace in my mind as the warmth surrounds me.

After I dried myself and got dressed, I get on my bed playing some music to sooth my aching brain RM's Tokyo is a suitable song for what I'm feeling right now, my eyes drift off as the music fills the air.


#414 in Fantasy
#85 in Dark fantasy
#148 in Others

Story about: eating disorder awareness, bts

Edited: 05.10.2020

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