Fantastopia: The New Life (part 1)

The Lord if testing me

Okay, I’m pretty sure I got away from the unicorn, and I am still lost. I tried looking around for anything that could help me, but all I saw were trees, bushes, and something that I’m guessing is just a bird, or a fairy maybe? I don’t know it was hard to tell. But until I know what to do, I really gotta take a piss. I honestly didn’t know where to go cause I was afraid it would end up on some fairy houses or something, and I was also scared to do it in a river or any form of water cause there might be- I don’t know- mermaids?

Oo, wait, this tree looks bare. Okay, you know what? Just do it quickly and let’s hope no one sees you.

“You’re back.”

That familiar voice once again made me jump in fright as I clutched my beating chest along with the rim of my pants while turning around to see the one and only creepy enchantress who I really hope didn’t see anything.

“Jeez Wren!” I breathed in shock “Are you gonna always appear like that?!”

“Yes, I like watching people jump from my sudden appearance” she smirked.

Grandpa said I should trust her huh? I’ll be the judge of that.

“Um, you didn’t see anything did you?” I asked, trying to appear cool.

“You’re lucky I arrived before your pants were down.”

Well, that just made my face red.

“Don’t worry,” she put in, “I know where you can go.”

She snapped her fingers, and just like that, we were back in her creepy lair.

“There’s a water closet down the hall to your left” she pointed to the door.

“Water closet?”

“Bathroom, the John, whatever you wanna call it, just go before you wet your pants.”

Hm, I guess everything really is old-fashioned around here. But, after using the... you know. I followed Wren down the spiral stairs and into the main entrance/throne room that was surprisingly empty, even the king wasn’t on his throne.

“I can see your ring has taken you to a different part of the land” she suddenly spoke.

“Oh yeah” I replied, hoping my ring wouldn’t turn orange like last time, “My grandfather told me this would happen. And then he warned me about unicorns, and I just happened to run into one.”

“Oo” she cringed “Well it’s a good thing it didn’t stab you with its horn.”

“What is it with unicorns hating men?”

“Because men are known for capturing unicorns for their horns, they usually have young maidens charm the creatures before they capture it and cut off their horns.”

“Is it true that unicorn horns are able to detect if a drink is poisoned?”

“It is true, which is why their horns are so valuable. But if a unicorn losing its horn, it takes many years for it to grow another one, which is why it’s against the law to capture a unicorn. And even though there hasn’t been any capturing since the law was set, unicorns are still violent.”

“Whoa” I breathed astonished “And to think I wanted to pet one.”

“You can pet one someday” she smirked, “Just make sure you have a girl with you.”

Oo, maybe Aria could come with me. The two of us, alone, with a unicorn, I’m all for it.

“Jesse,” that sweet voice of the princess was heard as we turned to see Aria walking towards us.

“You’re back,” she smiled at me, “Did you find your way back here okay?”

“Nope,” I replied, “I got lost and was almost killed by a unicorn.”

“What?” she gasped.

“Yep,” I muttered, “How could something so beautiful be so violent at the same time?”

“Oh please,” Wren rolled her eyes, “We got plenty of those here. There’s the Sirens, Vampires, Witches, even some of the pixies can’t always be trusted. They may be small, but they got a big attitude.”

“Uh, a pixie’s a fairy right?” I asked, knowing my mythology wasn’t always that accurate.

“It is a type of fairy, but they don’t have wings like the other fairies. And unlike the other fairies, they can’t become human size.”

“Whoa,” my eyes suddenly widen, “They could do that?”

“Apparently so, but while in human size they don’t have their wings. Now, I can talk about fairies all day, but you should really start your training.”

“Oy,” I pouted.

“Come on,” Aria nudged my shoulder, “Let’s go to the weapons room.”

Oo, this should be interesting. I followed her down many halls and down some stairs until we were in the weapons rooms, and boy did this place look awesome. There were weapons everywhere, from arrows to swords, it’s like all the weapons from fantasy movies were in this one room.

“Welcome to the weapons room” Aria announced, “This is where all the warriors and knights come to choose their main weapons.”

“Gnarly,” I breathed astonished.

“Once again, you’re allowed to choose two weapons, one for close combat and the other for ranged combat. But first, let me hand you your knife.”

She walked over to a wall that had many different pocket knives hanging as she took one down.

“Here you go,” she handed it to me.

Whoa... this looked pretty awesome. It was a regular pocket knife with a wooden handle and Celtic design, and boy did that tip seem sharp.


#1049 in Fantasy
#526 in Others
#147 in Humor

Story about: fantasy, comedy, elves

Edited: 23.12.2019

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