7. A little angel

"The satisfaction of getting something that you want and ask for with the heart is unbeatable."

-Thalia.

September 9th, 2012

I am in front of the lake like every time I am happy or sad. This lake brings back good memories, reconnects all my emotions, calms me down.

Then others would wonder: What problems could a 14-year-old girl have? Well in my opinion it is not a problem, I just need something, having a brother or sister.

"What's up, princess? You are not even heated by the sun." My dad says.

"Naomi is going to have another baby, that means Nat will have her third brother." I make a sad face and he looks me in the eye and then looks at the lake.

"There are things, Thalia, that we cannot have no matter how much we want it." He looks at me and I feel his sadness. "We have tried hard, Tali, but it has become impossible."

"Don't think I can't understand it, dad." I explain to him.

"Believe me we will not stop trying but be aware that it is not certain that it will happen."

I nod but I feel annoyed, the last 8 years I have been waiting for this and it does not happen.
 

February 9th, 2015

Mom has been a little sick the last few days, as well as intense. I'm already tired of the same.

My illness has not returned, they believe that I have been cured although I fear that it is not true. Now I have treatments and I feel really screwed up.

"Are you going to stay on the stairs for a long time?" She is happy, which makes me think the worst is over.

"Where is dad?" I ask her because I haven't seen him today.

"We have a gift for you, come with me." She takes me by the hand.

Upon entering the living room, Dad is sitting on the carpet with a box that, when I approach quickly, he hands me. I am cautious, I do not behave badly but I do not see the reason for the gift either, I open it and look inside.

There two little white baby shoes!

I look at them both, my eyes fill with tears and their happiness only makes me think of one thing.

"I'm going to have a brother!" I hug them tightly, starting to cry. It's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.
 

July 3rd, 2015

Max, Charlotte, Jake, Elliott, Maggie, and I are spellbound by the little blond in the crib.

"He's like a little angel, Tali." Maggie is an only child, as I was.

"Do you think he likes sports? I can teach you." Jack loves sports but his siblings are older.

"I want to go out with him. Women will rain on us, just look how handsome he is." Max, as always, thinking of girls.

"Of course not, I will take care that he is not a womanizer." Charlotte hates womanizers.

"I think he's going to be pretty smart, just watch how he follows our voices." Elliot watches everything.

I just keep listening to them praise my little brother, I couldn't be prouder.

"He's an Smith; he will be everything he wants to be and more. You will be there for him."

They all look at me and nod sadly. I know they will do it for me.
 

September 15th, 2016

Toby Smith:

Baby, surely you don't remember me anymore, I'm Thalia, your older sister who takes care of you from heaven.

I know it will be a while for you to understand the meaning of my words but I want to leave them for you anyway.

You don't know how much it hurts not to be able to be with you on your birthdays, on your first days of school, or on your important moments; But rest assured that I fought for you until I had no choice.

The day you were born was the happiest day of my life, I finally had a brother! I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could.

You were only eight months old when my illness returned, so I fought to stay alive to be in your first year.

You were my first baby, as if you were the child that I could not have, with you I learned a lot and I gave you all my love. I saw your first steps, I heard your first words, I was at your baptism and in your first year, all of that made me happy.

I want you to be a great man of goodness, please pay attention to everything that dad, mom, grandma and nanny tell you. Believe in me when I tell you that they do it for your good.

Here I leave you five brothers who will take care of you as I would: Jake, Maggie, Elliot, Max and Charlotte. They adored you from day one.

Treat women well and don't play with them, that would break my heart.

This letter is the most painful to write because there is no one in the world who wants to fight for, besides you. You have been my light in the dark, my hope, my angel. Now I will be yours and take care of you wherever you are.

Don't forget me Toby, it's what would hurt the most. You may not remember me, but my photos and words are recorded for you.

We have the same eyes so every time you look at your eyes, please remember mine.

I love you baby Toby, you are my everything, kisses from wherever I am.

With love to my angel Toby from his older sister who loves him very much: Thalia.
 

I leave the two letters in the envelope; I have written two because I want toby to have the opportunity to read me as much as he wants. The copy is perfect.

He only says dad and mom, but today he called me Tay, and I was the happiest girl in the world, that's something I will keep forever.

We are in my bed, I watch him sleep next to me, it's the best thing I can see. His breath, his face, and all of him, is like an angel. Of course, he is my angel and next to him I fall asleep, hoping to bear a little bit of my love.