Talking to Jake

I felt panic rise inside me and wanted to cry. Instead, without taking my eyes off him, I noticed that no one was paying attention to him. I approached one of the other teachers, tapped on her shoulder and whispered: "Korin, do you see that kid next to the bookshelf?"

She followed my gaze and grimaced, "yes, he always does that. His mother and I had tried to making stop but he just doesn't"

I realized she was speaking about another kid who was picking at his nose. So she couldn't see the kid... Was I hallucinating? I wanted to run out screaming but his eyes seemed to have turned me into a statue. "What do you want?" I mouthed. He didn't move.

"Are you ok?" My boss caught my attention and with my mouth open I realized the meeting had finished, almost everybody was out already which meant I had stared at hollow-eyed Jake for hours.

"Yes...I'm ok", I mumbled.The boy was no longer there.

"I asked you if you could please re-arrenge the desks."

"Yes, of course", I replied, starting to do it immediately. I liked it when my boss gave me simple tasks. He never asked me to participate in meetings. I was ok doing menial work and he knew it. We both prefered it that way.

"How are your parents?"he asked, wanting to make small talk which I wasn't particularly fond of.

"Oh, they are ok. They're both stable... How about your wife?"

"She's better, almost out of it."

"That's good to hear, I'm sorry about your father in law, by the way, he was a nice man"

He nodded and left me alone. I hurried up not wanting to see hollow-eyed Jake again but he didn't re-appear.

I did see him, however, in the following days. I noticed he was there only when I was in Nataly's class. Whenever I watched her, I admired her blond hair and fair skin, I thought about her brother and how I was nobody to them. When I wondered what kind of life they led, what their house looked like, where they would go for vacation; everytime I found myself thinking of how different these people were to me, hollow-eyed Jake would appear suddenly, always staring at me. I didn't know if he was judging me, hating me or wanting me to disappear.

I didn't get used to his presence or his awful eyes, but I couldn't look away until someone would call my attention back to reality and then he would be gone again.

I didn't dare to speak to him or of him to anyone. I didn't visit priests or doctors. I didn't mention his presence. I just woke up every day, scared that I might see him that day next to one of my students.

But I forgot this fear everyday when I saw Jake Ryan picking up his sister. My fantasies of us speaking were endless and all I could mumble was "If only he didn't have a girlfriend".

However, even when Nataly told his classmates that his brother had broken up with his girlfriend, I didn't approach him. I knew there wouldn't be any point in it. So the days went by with no difference in my life, except that my fantasies took a different turn where he asked me out and we would spend time together during the afternoons and weekends. But as hard as I tried, I could never imagine what sort of activities we would do together. He obviously practiced sports, maybe went on horseback riding, traveled to the country to taste wine, went to expensive clothing store and practiced scuba diving in his free time. What would he do with me? go to the grocery store? Go the drugstore? Help me prepare my classes? That's all I did.

One beautiful spring day, Jake Ryan was running late on picking up his sister. Nataly was with her best friend, Manuel, playing around. Everybody had gone home and we were waiting outside the school. As always, I was admiring the energetic, happy teenagers I had in front of me. Hollow-eyed Jake was, luckily, not around.

Nataly was laughing when her brother came out of the trees.

"Jake! You're late!" she happily exclaimed while her brother parked his motorcycle and took off his helmet.

I stood up from where I was sitting, like I always did in the presence of a student's family member.

"Sorry!" said Jake "Traffic is horrible from that part, we'd better go through the other way."

Nataly's face lit up. "Maybe we could visit grandpa's tavern!"

Manuel agreed as excited as she and they started sharing plans.

My breath was caught at that moment, for Jake Ryan was looking at me smiling. I felt myself smile too, not knowing what to do or say. He then walked to me... but passed me without speaking.

I turned around to realize he hadn't been looking at me but at Lizzy who was coming out of the trees behind me.

"You came!" I heard him say before he gave her a kiss.

"See you later, miss!" said Nataly and I turned as she and Manuel were waving goodbye to me.

"Don't drink too much", I said playfully, feeling incredibly sad inside. They laughed and disappeared around the corner.

"Where's Natty?" asked Jake as he came back holding Lizzy's hands.

"They went to her grandfather's tavern", I explained.

"Oh, yes! let 's go!" Said Lizzy.

"You should come to", Jake was now really looking at me. I felt my heart going fast with the invitation but Lizzy answered before I did.

"Oh, I don't think she wants to come. She must be tired after taking care of those kids!"

For a moment I imagined myself accepting the invitation, walking with them to the tavern, and then what? talk and laugh like we were old friends? That wasn't me. I knew I would be there sitting awkwardly without speaking to no one, trying not to stare at Jake nor cringe when he made out with Lizzy.

"You go and have fun" I said as nicely as possible.

Jake didn't insist. Both went to the motorcycle and argued playfully who would drive.

"You drove last time!" Said Jake.

"But you drove here! Let me take it just up the hill!"