Knowing Jake

I froze.

It hadn't been a metallic sound, more like an incredible strong thump! For an instant, my heart was the only thing moving in that place. I could feel its beats in my ears and neck. It was like if I didn't move then nothing bad would happen. Not to Jake.

"Jake! Oh my God! Jake!" I heard Nataly screaming

"Help! Somebody help!" Manuel yelled.

I still didn't dare move. Hollow-eyed Jake appeared then, never had he been so close to me. He was floating, his nose almost touching my cheek and his big eyes haunting me. But my body remained frozen. I heard the screams, the cries for help, knowing that there was probably nobody near us, yet I did not move.

I don't remember moving.

I don't remember anything except being at the hospital the next moment. Somebody whispering "You were very brave", although they weren't talking to me but to Nataly and Manuel even though I had much more blood on my clothes. I don't remember speaking to the police officer but I most likely answered his questions because he was saying thank you and leaving me.

Jake and his girlfriend had crashed into a horse.

Crashed into a horse.

What century do we live in? I asked myself.

They were riding so fast that the horse had died in the spot. And so had Lizzy. Jake was seriously wounded.

I don't remember talking to the Ryans, I don't think I did. I don't remember going back to my house.

I do remember the constant stare of the hollow-eyed little boy with the name "Jake" written on his badge. He didn't leave my side since the accident happened but I was too numb to be creeped by it any longer.

Word went around about the accident, that was all people were talking about the next few days. Several students and teachers asked me to tell them what had happened but I couldn't say anything they didn't already know.

Hollow-eyed Jake followed me around like he was a messenger from hell and it was time to take me.

Every day I wanted to yell, ask how Jake Ryan was doing, but I didn't have anyone to tell me. Nataly hadn't been to school and neither had Manuel.

I wished the Ryan family would have contacted me but they didn't. I wasn't expecting any thanks and one afternoon I knew I was never going to receive them.

Ryan senior entered the classroom one day after the students had gone.

"How is Jake?!" I wanted to ask but something in his look made me stop. He seemed as haunted as I was and didn't pay attention to me. He sat in one of the desks and held his head between his hands.

"...Mr. Ryan are you alright?" I asked, not daring to go near him.

"No... My wife has killed my son."

I felt my heart stop and my face go cold. "...Jake?" I whispered.

He looked at me "Yes. No!. No! We had a son before Nataly and Jake. Our firstborn. We named him Jake also but he was born dead, or that's what they told me. My wife and her midwife told me my son had been born dead. It turns out my wife killed him when she saw him and made the midwife lie to me. We then named our second son the same way!"

I couldn't say anything. My head was turning with the information.

"The midwife disappeared shortly after and came back a few weeks ago demanding that my wife give her money. I don't..." he stopped and sobbed, "the police will arrest my wife soon..." he looked at me like maybe I could help him. "What am I going to tell my kids?! What type of world do we live in?!" he asked desperately.

What type of world do we live in? The type where babies are thrown down a cliff and people die by crashing into a horse.

Still, I didn't answer. What would I have said? Everything will be alright? I'm sure your wife had a good reason to kill your son? Postpartum depression is very common these days, we should try to be understanding to your wife?

When he saw that I didn't have an answer, he laid his head on top of the desk and remained sobbing for a long time.

The wife was arrested shortly after. I was walking by when I saw them taking her out of her house in handcuffs.

"No! Mom!" cried Nataly being held by her father. "Tell them they made a mistake!" she shouted trying to go to her mother.

Nataly's mother was also shouting. "His eyes! I killed him because of his eyes! It's not my fault! He wanted to kill me and he would have killed me with those huge awful eyes".

A baby named Jake with huge awful eyes. I turned to see him. Hollow-eyed Jake who was there not staring at the woman who had given him life and death a few seconds later; not staring at his father or sister whose lives were being recked; not staring at his brother who was still recovering at the hospital. No. He was staring at me, always at me with those huge, haunting eyes. The only one in the Ryan family to really see me. The only one I didn't want. Hollow-eyed Jake.