How are you, me?

If I Could Just...

I saw you.

I watched you looked up at the sky and try to hold back your tears every time you hear people talk about you. I heard how many times you whispered soothing words to yourself as if you could drown their voices by chanting that way. I knew how it felt like you don’t belong in a place despite trying so hard.

I saw you strive. I watched you struggle. I have always kept my eyes on you, wishing that I could do something to help you, but all I could do was watch.

I saw how many times you grabbed the blade—stare at it for a moment—then put it down again as tears pooled in your eyes. The rope hanging on your ceiling was stuck there for almost a year now. For the whole year, I watched you pull it down and hide it again. I wished I could’ve hugged you when you are covered in blanket as I listened to your muffled cries of pain. I wished I could’ve held you when the blade touched your wrist and released the red drops of your suffering. Every scar screamed for help but no one noticed the deafening silence of your distress.

All they saw was the uncontrollable emotions that you tried to hide. All they noticed was the unreasonable fears and worries that even you despised. They caught a glimpse of the part of you that you wished never existed and no one tried to understand.

If I could just be there for you when the darkness closes in, I would’ve held you tight and listened to everything that ran in your mind. If I could just drown the voices that whispered all the lies that you don’t want to hear with my voice, I would’ve talked with you about things that you’d be interested to hear. If I could just be there for you when things get rough, I wouldn’t let you feel all alone.

But I can’t—I could only watch you because when the demons in your head start to appear, I’d be pushed out of your consciousness as the voices take over and my voice would be buried deep in your unconscious.

I’m just a part of you… And I’m not strong enough to help you get over your depression.

If I could just… then I would, but I can’t—sorry.




Hello everyone. I hope you enjoy reading this compilation of proses. Please check out my other story and if you've got some time to spare for me, please leave any feedback in the comments. I really appreciate you guys. Thanks for reading my pieces!


Edited: 20.11.2020

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