My sadness soon turned into anger. I searched for the ring in the back seat and when I found it, I slid it onto my finger again. He made me mad. Furious. I kicked over the trash can in front of my house as I walked past it. It felt good until I had to pick up all the rubbish that fell out of the bin which made me even furious. I turned the key in the door so hard I almost broke the key, and the door, and then I trudged up the stairs. I slammed my bedroom door, which seemed to help my anger for all of two seconds, and then it stopped working so I flopped on my bed face first. I screamed into the sheets and pillows, as loud as I could.
I'm acting like a two-year-old. I finally realise. Teddy is so much better than I am because his parents and I have disciplined him not to have temper tantrums like this, and that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm having a temper tantrum and I feel like a complete imbecile.
I turn around on my bed, to look at the ceiling, and sigh. I'm no longer angry, and I'm no longer sad either. I refuse to even think about Dylan.
I spin on my heel, grab my bag and head out again. I'm going to watch a movie. A good movie with no romance. A movie with a lot of action in it.
I buy my tickets and some snacks and walk into my theatre. I make my way to my seat, arms full of popcorn and a large blue slush puppy. I settle down into my chair, make myself comfy and wait for the movie to start. A couple walks past me in my row, late for the movie. I focus on the movie, but I can hear them speaking next to me.
"Couldn't we watch a romantic movie, you know I hate action movies Dev." The girl complains. That's ironic. She also has a Dev too. I smile to myself, my fingers feeling the ring on my finger, but my smile quickly fades as I hear Dev speak.
"Come on Sadie. You know I've been wanting to watch this movie for ages, and I haven't had the time to go. For me Sads." Dev says. Except it's not Dev. It's not just any Dev. It's my Dev.
I find the engagement ring burning a hole in my finger. It no longer feels like it used to. It was comfortable. It felt like it belonged there, but now, it feels like thorns around my finger, a noose which seems to be choking me.
I stay seated. I need to know for sure that it's true. I need to know for sure that he's really cheating on me. I stay seated, but I pull the ring off my finger and push it into the deepest pocket of my bag. Hoping that it doesn't burn through. But, it does. My mind drifts back to the small band of silver. The promise he made to me. That I was his, and that he is mine, and the words "I do" come floating into mind every time I think about it. It's no longer a promise that holds hope, it's a promise that's empty, one that only promises pain, hurt and betrayal. It was at that moment that I realised the sinking feeling I had deep within my bones. Betrayal. It cuts deep like a knife like he's taken my heart and ripped it out of my chest. I can no longer see clearly, and as I look over to the couple, I see his face. It's him. It's him, and he leans in, and he kisses her. My Devin kisses another woman. I grab my bag, my things, and I leave that movie theatre a single woman once more.
It's an odd feeling. Tears don't threaten to cloud my vision, in fact, it's like I feel nothing at all. Everything within me wants to scream, wants to burst into tears, but my body won't let it. My heart feels like it doesn't exist, an absence of life entirely. So this is how it feels when your heart is breaking. The lies, the empty and broken promises, the love I had for him, the love I still have for him, the realisation that maybe, he didn't love me at all, and the sinking feeling of betrayal runs through every vein inside my body, and it hurts. It hurts like hell.
I decide not to go home today. I decide to stay outside the place where I could feel my heart break for the first time, it may have broken before, but it's never broken like this. Broken beyond all repair.
My fingers quickly find the ring, the last strand of string that would bind me to this man, this man who causes my heart to break so completely, I run my fingers over it softly. Slowly.
I look up, as the doors to the theatre open, and after a while, he emerges. His hand holding hers. He looks up, his eyes finding mine, and he stiffens. I sigh softly. I walk up to them, my fingers reach out automatically and hand him the ring that would have bound us together. I spin on my heel to walk away, but his fingers wrap around my arm.
"Alex. Look at me." He pleads softly. I pull on my arm and try to leave. "Alex, please." His grips tightens. I don't have the strength to pull away.
"I'm sorry." He says softly.
"No." I whisper, looking at him in the eye, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I trusted you. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you, I'm sorry that I'm just so horrible that you had to find a new woman. We were going to get married, Devin. So you don't get to be sorry. You made your decision and so, I'm accepting your decision."
"It isn't what it looks like." He retorts quickly.
"Oh?" I smile, sarcastically, "So this isn't a secret date? This is Atlanta, wow, I'm behind on my Geography. This isn't what it looks like? I must be blind then because I can see your fingers are still holding hers! If this isn't what it looks like, then why did you lie to me?" I shout louder this time, anger taking over my body. He's speechless, completely speechless and silent. "Exactly."
I spin to walk away and he doesn't stop me. I run quickly, I turn on the ignition, and I speed to my parent's house. I stop the car in the gate, and I walk to knock on the door. This time, my body seems to reflect my body, and my eyes blur with tears. A loud sob escapes my throat, and the door is flung open. Sobs come in steadily, and I'm taken into warm arms and I'm held there, and I sink in softly. I can feel it's not my mother though. It's my father's arms, who I'm wrapped up in. The feeling of safety and warmth overwhelms me, and I sob harder.