I held my head up high as I was wheeling my suitcase at JFK airport two days later. I packed my things and left Paris. Five days after I was supposed to. I stayed for one person, Dylan. I can't believe I was stupid enough to trust him, and his promises.
I know he's sorry, but sorry just doesn't cut it this time. I need time, time and space. I need to get my head away from Paris, away from New York, away from love. I need to get myself away from my life here, but, I'm not wealthy, and I've run out of savings, so now, I need to put on my big girl panties, put my chin up, dust my pants off and climb back on the back of the bull. Well, all that, but first, I need to drown myself with ice cream. I think I deserve it right? I do. I do so.
Over the next few weeks, I was reunited with my godson, who was over the moon to see me. He's a little support system for me, and even if Teddy doesn't know what I'm going through, he's there, and that's exactly what I need.
I also went back to work, in which my skills have been needed. The number of children who come through those doors is unbelievable, and I've seen the most amazing bravery, with all beautiful colours and sizes. There was a little African American girl, Grace, who came in. She has a severe case of leukaemia, which is one of the childhood cancers. She is the bravest little girl I know. I administer her chemotherapy medication in drips every week. She has lost all her hair, but every time I see the beautiful little girl, who is about six, she wears a big smile. Her mother is just as wonderful and is a single mother. She and I become fast friends. I still see Grace every week.
I haven't seen Dylan since Paris. He hasn't tried to call me, and somehow, that hurts worse than anything else, so I drowned myself in work. I made sure to spend as much time with Teddy as possible, and I've seen Lisa and Mark recently too. They both haven't a clue. In fact, no one knows about Dylan and I. They know about Devin, but I prefer to keep Dylan a secret for now. I think it's partly because I knew what I was getting myself into, and a part of me knows how stupid I was and the risk I was taking, but I can't shake the feeling that I still want him. I want him back, and that fact scares me to death.
Before I know it, I'm walking on the way to Grace's room. I have to administer her chemo again, and my heart breaks every time I do it. She's silent, but as I inject the needle into her tiny arm, a tiny tear rubs down her cheek, and my heart sinks every time I do so. This little girl, has so much kindness and courage in her tiny little body, more so than anyone I have ever met.
"I'm so sorry honey. It's over now." I smile and she holds my hand. She nods.
"Can you stay with me for a while?" She asks and I nod and smile at the gorgeous little child.
"Now tell me, how is school?" I ask her. She grins.
"I have finally learnt how to use multiplication. It's so much fun!" She rambles on about it. Despite her illness, Grace refused to be homeschooled, so she goes to school, and has her chemo in the afternoons. I know she has to miss a lot of school, but she somehow manages to catch up. She never gives up, and if the chemo works, she might be in remission, and if she responds well, but the cancer is still in her bone marrow, and we will have to do a bone marrow transplant.
"Do you have my favourite plasters?" Grace asks, referring to the plasters I put on her arm after I take the needle for the UV out. I have special plasters for the children. She has told me I have to let her wear the marvel plasters because she is obsessed with the Avengers. She says that she is almost like Steve Rogers, Captain America because she feels like she is an experiment with all her many injections and needles.
"Of course. How could I not have them? Which one do you want today?" I ask, handing her the box of plasters.
"I think I'm going to choose Loki." She says, taking out a Loki plaster. She smiles, and I pull the needle out from her arm. She hands me the plaster and I stick it on for her.
"Why Loki?" I ask her and sit next to her on her bed.
"He's misunderstood. I think he's good inside, but he's just too scared to show people that." She explains and I can't help the smile. I've always been a fan of Loki myself.
Suddenly, the door to Grace's room opens, and in walks none other than the devil himself. Literally. I have to shake my head slightly because I never thought they would actually come. In fact, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey Jr all walk inside the room and Grace's mouth drops open. She turns to me.
"You did this." She accuses. I hold up my hands in surrender.
"Of course I did, honey. You are the bravest person I know. I think you deserve this don't you?" I smile. I did organise this. I just didn't expect that they would actually show up. I emailed Marvel Grace's story, and then I guess we got a response. And standing in this room full of very, very handsome men is quite intimidating actually.
I decided that I should leave and let Grace enjoy their, um... overwhelming presence. I get up off the bed, but Grace catches my hand. "Stay." She whispers and I nod. She pats the bed and I sit down, looking probably like a gobsmacked kangaroo, who was hit in the face with a birdhouse.
The four men look at me intensely. I shift uncomfortably. The door suddenly bursts open, and a nurse stares almost gobsmacked at the three men, but then turns his attention to me.