The doctor had no choice but to discharge me. Unfortunately, he made me spend the night in the hospital where different nurses came in every hour to check up on me. I didn't get a chance to leave until it was noon, the following day. As soon as I was told I could leave, everyone began to treat me like an egg. Jason wouldn't let me walk. He insisted that from now till the operation, he would be my means of transportation. Therefore, he carried me bridal style to the family car which was waiting for us.
Peter, mum's bodyguard and our driver for the day, assured us that mum was alright. He said she instructed him not to drive her home but to wait for us, to tend to our needs while she went home in a taxi.
I felt lissed to know that she was alright. While he drove us home, Tess and Ana tried to lighten the mood by playing several songs from a cylindrical shaped object, perhaps a speaker, and singing at the top of their lungs. I joined them and was super excited. It felt like old times.
I decided I was gonna spend the rest of the day happily, perhaps, it could be my last. Sitting close to the passenger door, I pressed the window button for the glass window of the car to go down. I leisurely inhaled the gush of fresh air.
One of the things I noted I had taken for granted was the air I breathe. I believe we never appreciate that because we never had challenging issues that made us lose it. Here I sat, with no guarantee of living to see tomorrow, appreciating the little oxygen I inhaled to survive. If I had the chance, I would love to embrace the air and thank it immensely for giving me life for the past twenty years. I briefly closed my eyes, savouring the ambience.
Thank you so much, Air. I whispered, too low for others to hear.
When we got home, I smiled all the way in as Jason carried me. The reason behind my smile wasn't because I was being held by the love of my life—Although that adds to it— I felt I had to bring up happiness and relish moments with them all. I never wanted any of them remembering my "Last moments" as melancholic. No, I wanted them to chat amongst themselves how happy I felt even in the phase of nearing death.
But as much I felt merry and jovial, they neither acknowledged nor talked about it. Everyone still felt hung up in the fact that they might never see me again.
However, that didn't deter me from achieving my bucket list of being happy and appreciating life. Dad suggested to take a nap after lunch and I agreed. Lunch was spaghetti and meatballs accompanied with a blend of fresh fruit juice. I delighted in the taste. Yum! Never had spaghetti tasted this delicious!
I ate to my ultimate satisfaction and retreated to my room, of course, in the company of my boyfriend who never left my side. He helped me get under the sheets and tucked me in before leaving so that I could rest. I didn't want him to go but I didn't want to be a burden either. He had so much to do aside watching over me all day.
Unexpectedly, sleep came with full force and calmed my nerves and worries. Sleep was something I took for granted as well, but at the moment I subconsciously made sure I relinquished myself and accepted the beauty of sleep.
Thank you so much, sleep. I mumbled, just before I drifted off.
The cool and chilling air of the evening coming from my window woke me up and I felt refreshed. I stood up from my bed and walked up to the window, resting my elbows on the window sill, breathing in the air. I needed to go to the beach. I missed it. An ounce of chilly air seeped through my skin, making me shiver. I left the window and moved to my closet to get a sweater to keep me warm. While putting on my thick and fluffy sweater, I heard someone knock and come in. After getting warm and cozy, I left the closet to attend to whoever it was.
"Cassiopeia, I didn't mean to intrude, I thought you were asleep." Mum's voice, marked with a tad regret filled the room. When did mum ever feel the need to apologize for coming in to my room without my consent? She never knocked most times and even when she did, it was no biggie. I was accustomed to it already.
"Mum it's alright. I just woke up." I said reassuringly. I didn't want her believing she interrupted or intruded in any way.
"Besides, you're my mum and have the license to barge into my room any time you want." I added. That softened her and I felt her relax.
"How are you? You look happy and sad?" She asked. Mothers will always be mothers. They could feel a child's pain even when it was covered by a façade of joy and my mum was no exception.
"Oh mum! I'm so scared. I'm petrified of dying and leaving you all behind. I don't know if this will be my last conversation with you and I'm trying to find happiness in all these, trying to savor my last moments but I can't be completely happy knowing I might die." I broke down in front of her and almost let out a sob but the resilient side of me wasn't keen on crying. Mum hugged me and I felt a bond which had been lost for ages. I deeply felt the amazing bond we had when I was a child. Apart from Ana, mum used to be my best friend, especially when I was a child. The memories rushed in like a fantasy which was never real.
I hugged her tighter and fought back the tears but a few surpassed my strength and threaded down my cheeks. Her body delivered comfort beyond words.
"I love you so much Cassie. Please forgive me for walking out on you at the hospital. I just can't endure losing you. I... I can't!" She too had begun to cry as well and each breath she drew and each sound of pain she made, broke my heart.
"I love you too mum. I love you very much." I confessed. I couldn't remember the last time we said these words to each other but this moment seemed right. It felt like a piece of puzzle had been rightfully fixed in my heart.
"Now Cassiopeia, I want you to do something for me." She marginally released me but still had a delicate hold on me. She made use of the palm of her right hand to wipe off my tears.