Secundina

“When you are born to be a failure no matter how hard you try you never stop being a failure.”

That is the motto of my life, I am not exaggerating, let's see when I was born many years ago, I will not say how many, but they are many, well enough, I already deviated from the narrative, the thing is that the day I was born the next day my mother died before they say it was my fault, no, it was not me, the day I was born, mom found out that dad had a lover, so much was her pain that she decided to end her life, her sadness was stronger than her motherhood, consequently dad took care of my older sister and me.

From that moment on, my life was marked, first for losing my mother and secondly for the name, I mean, in what head can I be named Secundina? And with the last name García Anguamea, if that's okay, I give you permission to laugh, even I already laugh at my misfortune, well let's continue. My father, in an act of repentance, decided to stay alone to be a decent widower, he never married and whenever he introduced himself he always said García widower of Anguamea, to which I was aware of that I kept calling him “ridiculous old man”.

As I was saying there, my life was marked forever, in elementary school they were the six most tragicomic years of my life, those damn Mother's Day festivals, I really came to hate them, for eleven months I was happy, it was only when May came that my torture began, from the television commercials to the school activities, that month both Dulce and I would get sick, although Dad knew very well that it wasn't like that, he covered for us during that month, I don't know why but that month hurt a lot, neither the date of his death nor Christmas hurt as much as the month of May, six years passed and finally high school, yes! High school, without a doubt the best time of my life, I would live it again just as I lived it, although at that time they broke my heart, as a good teenage high school girl my body changed, but not for the better, in fact I'm still waiting for the duck to turn into a swan, my 1.75 helped a lot, yes, yes, being one of the tall ones, with dedication and training by the second semester I was already part of the basketball team and not on the bench, no,of the officials, and that's how I met the love of my life or so I thought, how could I not? If he was the tallest in school, stocky, dark brown hair, honey-colored eyes and his way of playing basketball stole my heart, tremendous disappointment when he told me that he would never, ever go out with someone like me, ugly, fat and dumb, that is to say, not at all intelligent, with the little dignity that I had left I collected the fragments of my tender heart, I tried to put them together, I really did but I never could no matter how hard I tried, it also didn't help much that in high school Damián told me that he would never go out with a woman so tall and that she was a shot put champion. What's my fault that he was 1 sixty-five? And what was my fault that I was good at sports? I say there must have been something funny about it, right? If I wasn't pretty or intelligent at this point in my life, at seventeen I hated my fatness and my height and before you criticize me and say nutritionist, exercise, etc., etc., etc., I tell you that I ran two kilometers a day, I walked fifteen kilometers, I had a good diet, but I was never able to lose weight. I suppose that was already my physical build but my adolescent self never understood it and to be frank neither did my adult self.

What I had of good athlete I had of bad in love, so resigned that this area was not my thing I concentrated on continuing with my training both in basketball and shot put, even going to the nationals and belonging to the official team of my city and my state I can proudly say that I belonged to the red wave, at the University things did not change so much, With my sports history I tried out for the basketball team of the Faculty of Nursing and Nutrition of course and as expected I was among the starters, the thing changed when the selection was made for the official team of the University, there if I was on the bench I was the number eight player but I did not care I was from Las Adelitas for me it was a lot, between training, classes I had no time to think about love, anyway Mr. love and I did not get along well.

One day I was very comfortable doing a difficult anatomy homework when a classmate sat next to me, of course I didn't pay attention, believe me when I say that my peripheral nervous system had all my concentration, you will understand my astonishment when the boy in front of me said: "you are the prettiest girl in the entire faculty", I looked up, I don't know what look I gave him that I saw as he backed away, but I remember well that I grabbed my things and got up from the seat, but not before saying "go make fun of your fucking bitch mother", the next day half the faculty was amazed because I said that to Prudencio who by the way was a model, drummer of his rock band and studied nutrition, but come on. Who can blame me for not believing in your words? Or yes, since you already know that I am “tall” and fat, white, big eyes without exaggeration dark brown color, wavy dark brown hair, straight nose, full lips and natural eyeliner, yes, my lips and my eyes were my greatest pride, as I said fat but not pretty, yes, you know, the ones with a defined waist, good chest and good buttocks, no, rather I was or am like a round, flat cylinder with concave curves, yes, that's how I am, now that I think about it I think the only beautiful thing about me was or is my face. let's continue, with great difficulty and after four years I finally finished my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing, from there to my internship year, practically being a slave to the base staff and I have to say that that year was a good year, I think it is the second best thing that has happened to me and I would live it again.