4. My nanny

“You always were there for me, even when I hated the world y I didn’t want to live.”

-Thalia

September 09th, 2003

“Get up right now, Smith.” Rose tells me from above, she looks at me with a bad face.

“I just asked you for a cotton!”

“I can’t with you! Stop throwing tantrums because I'm not Analia.” I get up reluctantly, I'm in a bad mood. “You are 5 years old, Tali, you should know that when an adult speaks to you, you must obey and not throw tantrums.”

She takes my hand to guide me from the park to the house. I cry but I know she is right, and I am ashamed.

“I’m sorry nanny, it won’t happen again.” Sob. She takes something from her bag and gives it to me.

“It is not a reward, but if you do it again, you will have a good punishment.”

It's my cotton candy. She didn't punish me, and she got it for me. I smile at her.

July 13th, 2014

“What did they tell you?” Rose asks once I enter the room.

“They did not let me go. They say they still don't trust me to go to the party.” I lament.

“Tali, you’re healthy for now. They will stop the paranoia.”

“I want to go, Rose! Jack is going to be there… That would be my opportunity.” She watches me carefully because she knows how I feel, after all, she has been with me all my life.

“If I help you escape, you won't throw me upside down, right?” I scream and hug her.

“I’ll do whatever you want nanny, if you cover me until 1:00 AM.” She seems indecisive but I know she will accept.

“Okay girl, go and enjoy your night.”

I kiss her and together we make the plan since it is the first and last party I will go to.

August 30th, 2016

Rose Rios:

My nanny, how much I love you can’t be said with words.

Maybe I wasn't overly expressive, but I was different with you. You supported me and you always said I could do it if I set it out to do it, you were in every important moment, like a mother.

I don’t have words to thank you. Now you will have Toby, it is up to you to make him a happy child, please do your best work so that he does not keep things.

Make up with Ben, tell him you want to give it a try. it is never too late to love, I tell you, I love even on my deathbed.

That day in the park you taught me not to be capricious, thank you because you bought me what I wanted but not when I wanted it.

Sometimes I didn’t understand you and I ignored you, but I didn’t do it on purpose.

You have always been an angel to me, now Toby is the lucky one to have you in his life, I know that when he is my age he will understand why.

I never said it but that day I woke up crying ... It was because of you that I was crying, I thought I was going to lose you and that almost killed me.

I want you to keep the record I made for you when I was little when I leave. It's in the third closet door.

I thank you infinitely for all your love and dedication for me, I appreciate that you have advised me as the daughter the life did not give you.

Please never forget me, nana.

With all my love, to my dear nana.

Thalia.

I put the letter in the locked coffer and when Rose walks in, I hand her the keys to keep because I can't move.

“Are you in pain?” I nod slightly. “Jack has been here since early.” She says caressing my back and some of my limbs.

“He feels guilty for not spending more time with me, but I told him to go away. He has to go on without me.”

“He’s shattered, Tali.”

“I have been shattered three years of my life and I have not died. Don’t worry, he will be fine.”

“You're being tough on him and you haven't even told him your feelings.”

“The last thing I need is something to hold onto on this earth, nana! I want to die in peace.” She looks at me sadly but it's the truth. “Deliver those letters for me, it's the last thing I'll leave, then I'll go in peace.”