Negotiating with the devil

“As I told you, Ivan, I don’t think she’s a risk,” he repeats, maintaining an extraordinary calm. “Relax, I can handle it... No, I didn’t mess anything up, that stupid Luis pulled out his gun and scared her, if he hadn’t, I could have convinced her that a neighbor had an accident. Yes, I already secured her silence with money, I don’t see the need to do anything else,” he insists, putting his fingers on the bridge of his nose, he is too tired. “Ok, goodbye.”

“Well, and?” I ask, with a knot in my chest, hoping that the negotiation for my safety is over.

“Well, it’s not bad news, but it’s not good either,” he begins, nervously running his hand through his hair before ending up at the back of his neck. “First of all, he says they won’t do anything to you, which is good because I believe him, but in case you decide to go to the police, he wants to remind you that he knows where you live and that there’s no one who would miss you or make too much noise if you disappear, which is bad, and I also believe him. It’s a complicated situation...”

“Complicated? I just got a death threat, damn it!” I exclaim on the verge of hysteria. “I wish I had never met you,” I say, releasing bitter tears once again.

“If you hadn’t met me, you might be dead by now,” he points out, letting me see how hurt he feels by my comment.

We fall silent, both too proud to admit that the other is right. If I hadn’t met him, maybe I wouldn’t be alive, but if I were, I wouldn’t be involved in this situation.

“I think it’s best for you to stay here tonight, I’m sure they won’t try anything, but just in case...” he suggests, sitting down next to me on the couch.

“Just in case what?!” I ask, more angry than afraid.

“I’m in the same danger as you now, he knows that you’re not disposable to me, that he’s found something else to make me do as he pleases. Hate me as much as you want, I understand, but please let me keep you safe,” he pleads desperately.

“I think I need to take a bath,” I whisper after a while, “and I’m not the only one who should clean up,” I add, pointing to the blood stains on his body.

“But not together, pervert,” he jokes, hugging me.

I let his arms surround me, despite the fact that he’s the one who got me into this, they give me a security that I still can’t explain.

“Go, I’ll bring you clothes, I need to finish cleaning up,” he says after pulling away from his chest.

I walk with my head down, look at the entrance door and take the opposite path. Escaping is definitely not an option, I’m totally convinced that I’m safer here than at home. I slowly enter the bathroom, fill the tub to the maximum while undressing and immerse myself in it. Hot water has always helped me think, I hold my breath and forget the world in an aquatic realm, at least until my lungs demand fresh air.

After a few minutes, two soft knocks are heard at the door. Dante enters with a perfect change of clothes in his hands as a peace offering. He leaves it on the small black cabinet next to the sink and sits next to the bathtub, leaning his back against the wall. He doesn’t justify or try to convince me to forgive him, to love him, as I thought he would.

With his gaze fixed on an undefined point, he repeatedly bangs his head against the wall as tears begin to flow. Fearful that he will hurt himself, I interpose my hand between his head and the wall, earning a stronger blow than I imagined. He quickly fixes his gaze on me, capturing my grimace of pain.

“Shit! Why did you do that?” he inquires, concerned.

“Don’t touch, it hurts,” I whimper as he tries to take my hand, I put it under the water and feel the pain slowly disappear.

“I’m sorry, I always mess everything up,” he whispers, leaning his forehead on his knees.

Here he is, an adult man crying like a child, willing to hurt himself to punish his stupidity. I caress his hair ignoring the pain, the water sliding from my fingers to his head.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, looking up.

I stroke his forehead, wiping away a few drops of blood. There’s no need to say anything. I take his face in both hands and kiss him. I don’t know where all of this will lead us, but I do know that as long as I’m by his side, he will do whatever it takes to keep me safe. That’s something I only had once before, and I lost it in a car accident many years ago.