Pretended normality

After my shower, I went straight to bed, I couldn’t even imagine that just a few hours before I had felt so happy in that same place. When he finished cleaning the blood off his patient, he lay down next to me on the sheets and hugged me. That’s how we pretended to sleep until we finally succumbed to slumber.

When I woke up, I found myself alone again. Scared, I went looking for him and found him in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

“I thought I’d bring it to you in bed,” he laments as soon as he notices my presence.

“Don’t worry,” I say, avoiding looking at the now immaculately clean island.

The smell of disinfectant hasn’t gone away yet. He did a great job cleaning.

“Of course, you’re used to it,” I reply out loud to my thoughts.

“What?” he inquires, looking at me strangely.

“Nothing,” I whisper, escaping to the living room.

“That didn’t sound like nothing!” he exclaims, not following me.

I lie down on the couch and cover my eyes with my forearm. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut? Last night, I thought a lot about everything, from how he makes me feel to the dangers of even getting close to him, and I finally came to the conclusion that I’m a foolish person in love. I don’t understand how it happened, I only know that the idea of leaving him alone hurts.

I hear him put the breakfast on the table. I take a deep breath and end my voluntary blindness. Finally, I sit properly and take one of the cups, allowing the freshly brewed coffee aroma to take away my worries and only focusing on the taste.

I admire Dante for a moment, with his hair all messed up and still dressed in his pajamas, just like when I met him. His eyes still show the same concern as then, except this time, when he notices my gaze, he sweetly smiles. I don’t know how long we can maintain this pretense of normality, but even if it’s a charade, I want to enjoy the peace of the moment.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks after finishing breakfast in silence.

“It’s a beautiful day today,” I say, trying to maintain the illusion.

“Don’t lie to me, Emma. If you’re planning on how to escape, just ask me for the keys and go. I swear I won’t try to stop you...” he whispers, looking me in the eyes.

“It’s not that. I just want to enjoy this, have a cup of coffee, and not think about everything that happened. I want to pretend that last night never happened, at least for a little while. Can that be okay?” I ask, hoping he understands.

“Pretending you don’t know who I am isn’t good. You have to understand who you’re with, and the easiest path is usually not the right one,” he points out before coming over to sit next to me. “If you plan on staying, it’s best to be aware of where you are, who you’re loving. I promise to answer every question you have with honesty, even if it hurts. But don’t cancel out that curious side of you just to pretend that everything is okay because it’s not.”

“I will, but not today. Don’t ask me to think when I haven’t even begun to make sense of everything that’s happened in these past few hours.”

“I understand and respect that. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”

His arms wrap around me, he rests his chin on my head, and he gives me the silence I so desperately need.

҉

“Do you think it’s safe to go home?” I ask while washing the cups.

“Maybe, I don’t want you to go alone, but I also can’t force you to let me accompany you,” he says, turning off the faucet.

“Yes, I do want you to come with me,” I affirm after a few minutes of evaluating the possibilities.

“Okay, as soon as we finish getting ready, we’ll go. Do we order a taxi or...?” he asks.

“Or what?” I inquire curiously.

“Or we could ride my bike and take the opportunity to breathe a little on the way,” he suggests, bringing back good memories for me.

“That sounds great, I’ll go get ready,” I reply, leaving him with a charming smile on my lips.

I take the clothes from the dryer and enter the bathroom with my bag in hand. I fix myself up as best as possible. The temptation of an instant love is there, camouflaged in perfume. I know it’s not necessary, but his love guarantees my safety, there’s no doubt about that. I moisten my fingers first with the one that allows me to think clearly and makes me lucky, and I gently rub my neck. Then I take the bottle of liquid love and rub a few drops behind my ears, only enough for him to love me enough to take care of me, but not so much as to make him do crazy things.

Satisfied with everything, I leave the bathroom and look for him. I finally find him in the room, changing his clothes. I can’t help but let out a moan of pure lust, which he hears. When he smiles mischievously at me, my face heats up. I mentally repeat to myself that although he may look like an angel, he is a dangerous guy, and I must be careful with him... which, for some inexplicable reason, makes him even more attractive.

Against all logic, I approach him and kiss him. His hands grip my waist, pressing my body even closer to his. The internal fire that was on the verge of going out for so many years has now become a threat of spontaneous combustion. I have definitely lost my mind over a criminal, and when I should be looking for the fastest way to escape from him, I can only think of the taste of his lips and the heat of his skin.