grudges from the past

The cold lips of the white maiden slowly moving away from my forehead made me react to the fact that before I had started daydreaming, a spectral figure had frightened me.  Now I was sitting on the mountain snow, and the woman with delicate white hair and bright eyes was staring fixedly at me. That slow and fleeting kiss brought back to me a myriad of memories that I still couldn't process, just as I couldn’t know at what point I ended up amidst trees, snow and mountains.

Her blinding, radiant body made of ice had something similar to life. Her eyes, which shone like limpid stars, were watching me with an unfathomable resentment. She hated me; she hated me so much that it hurt.

“There is no one here, even though I gave myself to everyone,” the white maiden whispered sorrowfully. “I always gave them everything I had! I helped them! I took care of them! I showered them with gifts!” she shouted, and a snowy blizzard blinded me for a moment.

My confused mind was telling me that that lady was the little Yanara, the ghost of a young woman that centuries ago was kind... Suddenly, something made me remember that popular tale about a snow woman, bitter and lonely, that kidnapped anyone who saw her. Was I going to disappear as well? Although I tried to move away from her, she drew closer and touched my cheek with her fingers, and I immediately felt as my body stopped shivering; cold no longer affected me.

Speechless, I covered my face with my hands, but I still could hear her saying over and over again: “No one is here with me, no one is here... I gave them everything and now there is no one.” Her choked voice saddened me. After all... I felt as if she was my sister.

“What... what do you want form me? Tell… tell me what can I do for you,” I asked her shaking, and she stretched out her hand to me, as if it was some sort of invitation. “No, I can't stay with you,” I replied to her, but I didn't move.

“Stay with me," she said, but I shook my head... then I cried and shook my head again.

“I can´t. I can´t. I'm not Inara...” I replied with a cracked voice. Then she grabbed my hand tightly.

“You can't leave me again.”

I struggled with her until I cut loose and I ran, but then I saw the snow beginning to rise with the wind.

“I'm not Inara. I'm sorry. I have someone whom I can't leave alone! I'm sorry!”

“Sister, don't leave me,” she insisted, while the blizzard intensified as I ran away.

It was painful for me to remember that past life: the nostalgia of missing my sister, the searches for her that we made and the resignation I felt after. A life that was no longer mine, but that felt as if it still was. Her sadness, the loneliness I saw in her eyes and the affection I had for her. However, I couldn't stop; I was afraid to completely forget about my family and my boyfriend as the stories said, or to turn into a snow woman like her. I didn't want to be trapped in that coldness.

The screams ended up causing an avalanche, and although I ran as fast as I could, the snow mass still caught me and took me with it, dragging me down. Stubbornly, I stayed afloat as long as I could, running when my feet touched the ground, and rolling when they didn't. Finally, I reached the foot of the mountain.

Some villagers came running to my rescue. They took me to a warmer area and, assuring me that I got lucky for not ending buried in the snow, they provided me with a blanket.  I think it was my stubbornness that saved me.

Dusk had already fallen, so Alphonse would surely be very worried about my whereabouts. After expressing my gratitude to the villagers for having helped me and guided me to the main square, I went on my way to the inn, not realizing that, despite being soaking wet, I couldn’t feel the cold taking over my skin. The couple that owned the inn, after seeing how pale and wet I was, convinced me to take a hot shower. I only wanted to talk to Alphonse about what had happened, but he had gone out looking for me after the sun had set. Hence, I decided that the best thing to do was to obey and wait.

I folded my clothes and I left them in a wicker basket before going into the shower. While I soaped myself up, the image of the two sisters performing magic together amidst their laughter and affection kept coming to my mind... I felt sorry for Yanara, and then I recalled more details about the breakup between the two sisters and how Yanara drove herself into exile with her hurtful words. I felt a direful feeling crawling in my stomach... an inexplicable fear. Nothing felt right. It wasn't normal to have recollections of a past life, neither almost being captured by a white specter in the mountains. Was it just a strange dream?

After putting on my sleepwear and a robe on top, I went to Alphonse's room, but there was no answer when I called at his door. I called reception and the owners kindly told me that he had not returned yet. Did something happen to him? Or perhaps he got distracted by something else?

I sat next to the window and looked out to the streets, waiting for him to come back. I wanted to go out again, however, I assumed that if he came back and didn't find me home, he would become upset and might doubt that I had returned at all... I walked around the room several times before the sun came up, then, finally, I fell asleep waiting for him...