Damaged Beyond Repair

Chapter 50


I shivered as he nibbled and tasted my skin, each lick, each kiss ignited a fire. One led to the other, until I whispered for him to keep going. A heap of clothes lay on the floor. His eyes widened when he watched me in all of my naked glory.

"You're so beautiful, Alana."

I took his hand in mine and urged him to keep touching me. I whispered. "Please tell me you haven't said that same line to every woman you have slept with."

Rowan groaned. "Baby, let's not talk about anyone else when we are together."

His breath tickled my inner thigh as he repeated the same process of licks and nibs. I thought invisible wings had somehow pulled me higher and higher. There was a fierce fluttering deep within my stomach.

He was taking it so ridiculously slow that I had to remind him about the "hardcore" part, but of course it was Rowan we were talking about, he kept saying I couldn't handle it. Then I heard the sound of the ripping of the foil and he was rolling on a condom.

He began kissing me hard again, a long lingering kiss that made us both breathless. He came up for air and said, "I won't lie, baby. It's going to hurt because it's your first time."

I just nodded waiting for it.

"You're sure about this right?"

"Yes." I said closing my eyes.

"There's no turning back." He reminded me.

"Just shut the fuck up and do it!" I said clearly irritated.

He thrust so hard inside me that I felt the pain rip through my entire body, mixed with pleasure. Then Rowan realized what he had done and he apologized profusely and I kept telling him it was alright. He pulled out and then was thrusting again, slowly this time. His eyes fluttered closed and when he opened them, I saw his mocha eyes turn darker with the pure carnal desire. With every thrust, it got better.

"I...I love you, Alana." He whispered at the peak of a climax.

"I love you, too."

I remembered snuggling close to Rowan and falling asleep in his strong arms. I woke up in the middle of the night when I felt Rowan caressing by shoulder and placing lingering kisses all over my bare shoulder blade.

"You awake?" he asked between kisses.

I turned around to face him. I raised my hand to touch his face and brushed the wild locks of curls from his face. "You seem worried about something. What is it?"

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"The sex?"

He nodded.

"Of course I did. Why do you ask?" I was amused.

"Because I'd hate it if you said it was boring or awkward. I want it to be me making love to you for the rest of our lives."

I laughed. Was that an indirect proposal?

"I feel the same way."

He smiled and stared into space out for a good few seconds. I reached inside the covers to touch him, but realized he was already wearing boxers.

Rowan finally decided to throw a grenade at me, the type I hadn't seen coming from a mile away. "Don't take this in a wrong way Alana, I've had this on my mind for a while."

"I'm listening." I said, tracing the soft line of hair on his chest.

"I was wondering if you'd like to move in here with me." He said softly, his voice barely audible to my ears. His eyes were silently watching me, gauging my reaction. Even in the dark, I could tell he was anxious for my answer.


"Would you like to live together with me and Minnie here?"

I gaped at him. The thought of moving in with Rowan, the consequences of living under one roof, 24/7 with him frightened me for some reason. We had been past all the insecurities, a bad breakup and everything bad a relationship could offer, but somehow I feared that his issues, and his mood swings would drive us apart and I wouldn't be able to do anything. As much as I wanted so much to live with him, I wondered if it would lead to a major disaster.

I shrugged. "I would have loved to but..."

"But what?" the disappointment in his voice was evident and I cringed.

"I don't think I'm ready to move in at the moment. My dad and I, we are on good terms now and he's been paying surprise visits when he gets time off and I really didn't have time to explain about us."

"Okay." He said. "I'll meet him if you want and talk to him."

"Yeah...but..." I was making up excuses again. How was I supposed to admit that I was scared. Scared that I wouldn't be able to handle him and this love we had between us would shatter and become an illusion.

"Are you ashamed of me?" He asked. I recognized that look. It was the old Rowan all over again.

"I'm not." My voice came out frail. "How could you even think like that?"

"Then what's the problem? We both love each other, we want to be together, I could help you with your assignments and you could save all that money on your rent. It's what I want, but now that I think about it, I'm starting to wonder if it's just me who is building castles in the dark. Am I imagining everything?"

"Don't be like that, Rowan. You do know how much I love you."

He didn't say a word, just continued staring at the ceiling. A few seconds ticked by and he turned away from me and faced the other side of the bed. He was upset. His body language told me I'd screwed this up big time.

I moved closer and slid my arm around his middle. "I promise I'll come on weekends. I'll stay here two days a week. Is that okay?"

He grasped my arm and dropped it, a clear signal that he didn't want me to touch him. I missed that old Rowan who talked and screamed, but literally spoke his mind. The new improved Rowan scared me more. The silent treatment was killing me.

"Baby, are you listening to me?"

"Stop talking, Alana." His voice was low. "Just go to sleep."

I knew pushing him further would only lead to a heated conversation and I really wasn't in a mood for more bickering.

Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash)

Edited: 17.08.2020

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