My father held me tightly, encasing me into his arms.
"Maria!" He shouts over his shoulder. My mother comes bustling out the door, sees me and races over, enclosing me in her arms. I'm now enclosed in a hug between my two parents, which makes me cry harder.
"Come deary." My mother says, patting my father's arm. He spins around and carries me on his back. I slip my hands around his neck and snuggle into his shoulder. I feel so at home.
He drops me in the chair in the warm kitchen, which at the moment smells of blueberry muffins. Both my parents sit in a chair next to me, both looking concerned. I bite my lip, tears still streaming down my face.
"He cheated on me." I whispered softly, another sob escaping my mouth. I bite my index finger to keep another one from escaping.
"Devin cheated on me with another girl." I say louder this time. My parents both looked shocked.
I look down at my hands now placed in my lap. "He said wh was going to Atlanta for business, so I was out watching a movie. A couple comes to sit in the seats next to me, while we were watching the movie. They kissed a little and held hands. When I looked in their direction I instantly recognised Devin's voice and I walked out of the theatre." I continued to tell them the rest of the story. When I was finished I felt numb again. My emotions put on hold and I feel like a robot. A ghost in a shell. Surely I should feel something? Why can't I feel anything? Why is my body numb?
"I-I" I start, "I can't feel anything. My heart is screaming at me, but my mind has somehow shut down. I feel nothing in my head. No pain, no heartache." I look up at them, digging my nails in my hands to make myself feel something, anything. Why do I feel nothing?" I whisper softly, pulling my hair in frustration.
"You are feeling something dear." My mother rubs my shoulder affectionately. "Your body and brain just can't process it. We all experience heartache and betrayal in a different way, dear. Your body just wants to think it's feeling nothing because you feel that your feelings are too strong, and as a result, your brain can't seem to process them. Honey, you will feel something. And that something will be one of the most horrific and terrible feelings you have had to feel before. But, your father and I are here for you when you do feel it. The heartache. I think you should stay with your parents for a little while don't you?" I nod softly. My parents both give me a sad smile and leave me in the kitchen to think a little.
I still can't feel anything and no matter how much I try, the numbness still surrounds me.
A week has passed since the incident. I still don't feel a thing. I've been like a robot with the same routine. Wake up, shower, get dressed, eat, work, come home, watch some Netflix, shower again, eat and go to sleep again.
Except, today is Sunday, and I've been to church. I now have the afternoon free, and I am scared to spend time alone. I'm scared of the silence inside my head. It's like I'm slipping away from myself.
I look around the room I've been staying in for a while now. My old room. A single bed, a dressing table, a desk, my bookshelf and a closet are the furniture scattered around the room. I'm sitting cross-legged in the middle of all the chaos, the mess I've made. The mess I have made of my room and myself. There are many dirty closes scattered everywhere. I stand up and start packing them away in the laundry basket, and my phone rings. It's an unknown caller id, so I answer the call.
"It's Alex." I say, but I don't feel like Alex at all.
"Hi." Come a voice. I can tell it belongs to a male.
"Can I help you?" I ask, willing the man to speak already.
"Listen, Alex, I need to speak to you." It's Devin's voice. Suddenly, I don't feel numb anymore. In fact, it feels as though my whole body is on fire. Anger builds up quickly.
"Give me one reason, one reason why I shouldn't put down the phone right now." I spit, my anger growing.
"Because, I need to explain to you-" He starts but I cut him off.
"Explain to me what?" I snap, "Why the hell you cheated on me? Why the hell you would lie to me, Devin? Yes. I would really like to know what went through that bloody mind of yours!" My voice is dripping with poison, but it feels like a knife has been stabbed into every inch of my body. The pain is so bad, I have to sit on my bed to keep myself from falling.
"I'm sorry Alex. I know what I did was wrong but I was having second thoughts, and I'm glad I did." He states. He's glad he did?
"You are GLAD YOU DID?!" I scream as tears stream down my face. "You cheat on me and don't even regret a thing?" My hand rushes to my hair and I pull hard, desperate to feel something else other than the feeling of complete and utter despair. It feels horrific and it's terrifying. It's like I can feel my heart stop beating.
"I don't regret it, Alex, because I don't love you anymore, and I'm glad I stopped our marriage before it started. Imagine living in a loveless marriage, Alex. It would be terrible and I could never do that to you." He responds innocently.
"It would be TERRIBLE?!" I scream, "I'm so done with you and all this crap! You've treated me like complete garbage, and your reason doesn't make up for a thing! You didn't even apologise for leading me on! What happens if I didn't find you cheating on me? Would you have let me walk down the aisle and say "I do"? You are a complete jackass, but, I forgive you, Devin, because I am not going to allow the bitterness to overcome me, and I'm going to become a much better person than you ever thought I could. I'm going to be so much better than you ever thought I could be with you. I don't need you. So never call me again. I never want to see you again. Thank you for all the lessons you have taught me, and for all the memories, and I'm sorry for hurting you, but I'm finished. We are finished. So, delete my number, and don't ever call me again." I pause, my eyes brimming with tears, it wasn't easy to say any of those things. I still want to see him again. I know I do, but I can't. I won't. He's hurt me too much.