Damaged Beyond Repair

Chapter 29

 It's been a month since Rowan tried to kill himself and I had a hard time believing the fact that we both had survived it somehow; things were actually starting to become normal again. I gave my resignation towards the end of the month. Gabriel was quite upset with my decision. I included him in my best friends list, not to mention, a very patient mentor. The guy who made the hardest of tasks seem very easy and though Rowan's hatred towards Gabriel was apparent, I never stopped being his friend. Nina took over my job as soon as I resigned, I was quite happy with that since the job was actually hers to begin with. I was just a last minute replacement, so to speak.

I spent most of my free time with Rowan in his exclusive private ward. The exclusive included a leather couch, a 42 inch flat screen and an attached bath. It looked more like a damn hotel room than a hospital room. No shit!

Rowan's bones were thankfully working great, he could flex his arms and fingers move his legs better. I dropped by right after college to see him, and dropping by after college meant I carried my bag full of notes along which also meant Rowan taking a quick peek at what was being taught. Sucks, I know but you can't throw the 'Don't touch my books' to a boyfriend who'd also been your former teacher and who also happened to be a control freak. It didn't matter that we were in a hospital room nor did fact that he had just sprung out of a very recent death toll.

I drew a graph on the paper, leaning forward, displaying my assets, in hopes of seducing my teacher and turning the boring study session into something naughty. Rowan, being the usual him, refused to take the bait and flipped the channels on the Tv, rewarding me with a occasional scowl. I wrote whatever shit I knew and pushed the paper towards him.

Rowan's temple creased into an irritated thin line, frowning at the paper in his hands and even though my boyfriend was no longer my teacher, I was intimidated by him, by his cold demeanour. Next thing, he tore the paper in half and then into bits, crumbled it into a ball which scored a goal when it hit right inside the little waste basket in the corner of the room, "No matter how many times I explain it to you, it just doesn't get inside your thick skull, does it?"

"I'm trying."

"It isn't good enough, try harder. Do it again. I don't want those mistakes being repeated."

I'm scared of this man.

"Can't we take a break for a minute? I've been studying for two hours straight." I reminded him.

He had a devilish grin on his face, "you want to suck face?"

"Rowan!" I could feel my cheeks start to catch fire.

"Come here, you." He switched off the tv and gave me his full attention, he towered over me even though he sat on the bed. "How much do you love me?"

"Alot would be putting it mildly."

He pulled my face closer to his and pecked my cheek, "Would you leave your family, your friends and everything else behind if that's what it takes?"

"Without a doubt."

He laughed softly; his husky voice gave me goosebumps, "I already gave you a taste of hell, Alana, how much more would you want to sacrifice for my sake?"

"I would do that because you're worth it. All I have is you, Rowan." I analyzed his features for a while, "What if I ask you the same question."

"You already have the answer to it, baby; I would spend my entire life in hell if it means that you'll be with me. I can't live without you. More like this world is a dark place without you. It's a need more than a want. I need you to show me my place every time I lose it."

As usual, he always ruled every part of my heart; I kissed him with every ounce of love inside me. He whispered close to my ear, his breath sent shivers down my body, "You're strong, that goes without a saying but I want you to be stronger. I will make sure I don't repeat my mistakes and we can get through this together like a team but just one promise."

I squeezed his hands in mine, "And what's that?"

"That you'll never give up on me. No matter what."

"I promise."

We stared at each other awkwardly; I quickly brushed a lock of hair off his forehead, caressing his cheekbone with the back of my hand which he kissed tenderly, "Only me?"

"Only you." I said. Rowan interlocked his fingers with mine, pulling me closer. I clasped my arms around his broad shoulders, resting my head on it. I felt a tear soak on my cheek. Where did that come from? I gazed up and noticed Rowan's eyes filled to the brim. He was trying so hard to restrain himself. I asked, "Why are you crying?"

"I'm just so....." he swallowed, "happy."

"I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you happy." I picked up all the books scattered around his bed and stuffed it all inside my bad, "You're going to be discharged tomorrow right?"


"I'm so excited." I told him, "I can't wait."

Rowan shrugged, "me too."

"I'll come by in the morning when you're discharged."

"Sure." his firm grip on my hand did not loosen. He blinked.

"Rowan, I'll come tomorrow, baby. What's wrong?" I asked him, "Do you want me to stay back tonight?"

Rowan shook his head earnestly, refusing to make eye-contact, "No, you should get going. I'll see you later." He let go of my fingers slowly.

"Take your meds on time." I told him, "Or I'm going to shove it down your throat if I have to."

"I wouldn't bet on it."

"I trust you would, so I'll be leaving." I slumped the bag on my shoulders; I waved at him and stepped out of the room.

I could hardly wait for the next day; thoughts of what Rowan and I would do preoccupied my mind through the hours. I squeezed the honey Bear to my chest, waiting for the sleep to come and the night to pass.

Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash)

Edited: 17.08.2020

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