Description of book "Fragmented"
My name is Ava Carter. That's all I know. Because when I wake up in an alley, scarred, naked, and alone, that's the only thing I remember. All of my memories are foggy and jumbled, coming to me in fragments. The only thing I'm able to see is a memory of a man. Something tells me he’s important, that I need to find him. Because he has answers. Answers to why I have scars, to why I don’t remember anything, and why I have a sinking feeling my name is not Ava Carter.
When I get sent to an asylum, I find him there. I know he knows me, but he won’t give me answers. Because the answers I seek are too dangerous. When I do some digging, I begin to understand. The line between good and evil begins to blur. I have to figure out who I was and who I will be. Before it’s too late.
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5 comments
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Log inThere are too many paragraphs, mostly unnecessary. I don't know if the author was aiming for this, but to me, some parts came off like stanzas in a poem.
Felix Graywolf, Thank you. I hope you won’t be disappointed. :) And I hope I can teach you something, and you can teach me.
Celia is humanly unrealistic. She left a stranger alone in her home, who might as well be a thief or something and may attempt to rob her for all she's worth. And then, there's the issue of school. Unless she's rich, how will she pay Ava's fees? Overall, I don't think, in my definitions and that of this world, that Celia can be considered a normal human being. But, the flashbacks do intrigue me.
I love this beginning so much! I hope you'll continue updating later on :)
Izzy, Thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it! I’m working on a few other things at the moment, but I’ll try my best to update :)
Hello Olivia!
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your work. The first chapter does have the intrigue befitting a book in the mystery genre, so kudos to you on that! I think you have the elements that would hook in a reader from the get go which I believe is truly important.
If there is one area I think you could improve in, it would be by showing more than telling (I saw someone mention this elsewhere and I think it would be particularly important for something in the fantasy/mystery genre) and incorporating imagery wherever possible. (The latter is a personal favorite, so I might just be giving it a tad too much weightage.)
That being said, please check out my book if you can and let me know what you think if that isn't too much trouble. Either way, all the very best!
Nyssa Quadros, Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and give it a review! I'm so glad you're liking it so far. Yes, I sometimes have difficulty showing rather than telling, so thank you for pointing that out. I will try my best to integrate imagery in later chapters. I wish you the best as well!
Hulloo! It's been a while but I decided to start going through my library a little and picked this one even though I have your other works saved ahah. I just caught up to your most recent chapter and I'm enjoying the story so far and the mystery behind Ava's amnesia as she tries to uncover her past. I really liked the line where Ava concluded that the best way to uncover her memories/past was to live. Love Celia so far too! She's a godsend with her kind and generous heart ahah. Oh, I spotted some very minor typos here and there, but we all make them as writers haha and it didn't detract my enjoyment of the story. Hope you're doing well and looking forward to future updates! I guess while I wait, I'll read your other works when I can. Take care! ^_^
noveltealover, Thank you, that means a lot! Yeah, sometimes daily life gets in the way of writing, which is totally understandable. I had so many books going at once that I had to slim it down to two once school started, haha. Happy Holidays to you as well! I hope that even with everything going on, you still manage to have a lovely and safe holiday season. Thank you for making my day!
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