I remember that afternoon Jordan explained what courting looked like to him.
1) No kissing, ever... not until our wedding day... if we get married.
2) Never be alone in the same room or space toegther. Which meant every date would be chaperoned or would be a double date with another couple.
3) No texting, messaging, or talking over the phone past 10 pm in any timezone mutually or before 8 am.
4) The occasional hug was alright, and at bear minimal, hand-holding.
5) Honesty was the best policy.
6) Clear communication.
7) Marriage counseling 3 months in.
8) No talking of the future outside of marriage counseling until engagement.
9) Seperate bible studies and devotionals. Only prayer together and attending church together. And sharing thoughts and revelations from personal devos or from services until engagement.
10) Keep friendships outside of ours healthy and full.
Dad joked back then it was the Ten Commandments of Courting, but it's been a year and we haven't broken a single one.
Colleen thinks were mad for agreeing not to makeout or to ever be alone with each other unless we're on the phone. She teases that were just glorified best friends. And truthfully, I would have it no other way. A few months ago, I offically pushed Pete out of my heart as my best, best friend, and gave that spot to Jordan.
Jordan is so good at pushing me to be my best. He makes me audition for the lead to every school production, which I've landed since we started courting. He makes me get updated headshots every semester and has me looking for agents and managers for when I graduate.
In couseling, we talk about finances and how much we need to make a move out to LA. He will pursue a career in music as a back up vocalist to chart topping artists and I'll pursue a career in Hollywood.
I got a job and we both put a portion of our income into an online account for our moving budget. He's been writing music and selling them to record labels. All the money from that he wants to use to buy a house in LA.
It's weird to be with someone so thoughtful and mindful to plan for our future, instead of just seeing where our feelings and the whim of life take us. I feel really secure. Granted, it's not a complete picture of what the rest of our lives will be like, but it's reassuring.
On our first date, after he asked my parents for permission to court, V chaperoned us while we went out for dinner and then went mini-golfing. I remember the songs that played during our meal. I remember what we both ordered. I remember he was terrible at mini-golf. I beat him but V beat me. We raced go-carts for a while, because he went big and paid for unlimited rides for all three of us... He won all the rounds but the last one... That time I think he let me win because he was tired of listening to my whining, plus, I refused to race him one more time. To this day, we haven't go-cart raced since.
A lot of people assume our relationship is perfect... that we never argue or disagree, but that isn't true...
A few weeks ago in counseling he confessed he wasn't a virgin. He didn't just give into sin once, but several times with the same girl. When they had a pregnancy scare... she thought she was but the test was negative... they decided to take a break. That was right before our Freshman Year of College. All of that I could easily get past, but what he said afterward is what started the argument. All this time, we've been in college he was talking to her and visiting with her when he went back home. Until that day of our counseling session, he told her he was courting someone and that was only because she asked to make it official and to get back together again. He confessed he still had feelings for her and was seriously considering dumping me and giving her one more try.
Honestly, I wished he saved that for a personal counseling session. I didn't need to know all that. Actually, I could handle everything but the fact he was thinking of dumping me. It just reminded me of the truth. We're courting, we're not engaged. We might not make it to "I Do", and though I don't want to brace myself for the worst. I must be prepared for the worst.
But I pray I don't... I. Am. In. Love. With. Him. I thought I was in love with Pete, but I loved being Pete's savior and coming to his rescue. We were emtionally co-dependent and a relationship between us wouldn't have been positive. With Jordan, I don't need him. I know he doesn't need me. But we get to need each other. I haven't ever felt this free to love someone in my family or in any of my other friendships.
I told Jordan to take some time to heal from his ex. To take as long as he needs. We still hang out with our friends together. The entire campus and our families know we're still together, but as far as FaceTiming each other goes and marriage counseling sessions are on hiatus while he works on his heart.
Sometimes, I question if I made the right choice. Should I be this cold to him? He chose me, not her. But then "The Megachurch PK" came out in me. What if he chose me, because the two us being together led to more opportunity. Because of his family's music ministry and my family's ministry. our wedding would be like the Royal Wedding of the TV Church World. What if he was forcing himself to love me to please people or to build a reputation for himself?
"Did you hear me, Tru?" Colleen snaps plopping down on the foot of my bed.
"I'm sorry," I say closing my journal and setting it on my nightstand. "What were you saying?"
"I miss Pete, don't you miss Jordan?" Colleen asks.
Colleen came home with me for Winter Break. Mega-drama she is super tight-lipped about is going down in her family and she was going to stay on campus. I called mom up and asked if Colleen could come crash Christmas with me, and right away Mom, Ethel and Marion were on the phone asking what Colleen liked to eat, what were her favorite stores, and what type of things did she like for gifts. When we arrived home there were dozens of gifts for her under the tree, so she wouldn't feel left out this holiday.