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"I don't know where all this will take you" I heard mom screaming from hall when I'm trying to lock myself in my room upstairs. I open the door come out and yell   "TO HELL!!" and closed the door as loudly as I could. This isn't something new. Me and my mom fight always. Yelling at each other is the only way we know to communicate with each other. The reason for my mom's anger today is that the bottle my dad left in the fridge yesterday is empty now and she thinks that I have drank it. There are 2 more people in the house but she didn't doubt them because according to her theory which is that bottle was almost full till the midnight but empty in the morning meaning that someone who is used to be awake in past midnight would have done this. What an absolute bullshit theory. My mom's theories are always as stupid as this and wrong except for the fact that this time it isn't wrong. So whats a big deal  if I drink? Teenagers drink all the time. Moreover I'm a young adult now not even a teenager. Young adult who will be soon gone to college. You know what my mum has left India almost 25 years back but at the core she's still very much Indian. That strict Indian mom who will choose death over her daughter losing  her virginity before marriage. Oh, but it's just half of the story. Let me introduce my dad, Kunal Saxena. All his life my dad has been a brilliant student with intelligence and discipline just in right amounts. And he wanted me to be the same which I'm obviously not. So he's disappointed in me. All the time. Well, I don't blame him. Even I am disappointed in me.

       As these thoughts flood my brain, I lay on my bed and close my eyes. Then I slowly open them and there it is, the poster of Bradley Simpson the rockstar,  popstar whatever he's to you, to me he's the only star. I have never been in a fandom before until him. He is  a very popular guy from the age of 13. He was in a band before he left it when he was 18. I knew him from the time he was in band but I wasn't his admirer then. 3 years back my grandma was diagnosed by cancer. When I first came to know this I read everything related to cancer, it's symptoms, treatment methods,hospital fee,how to support the patients morally etc. But nothing could be of use. I've seen her struggle for every breathe she was taking and also seen her take the last breath. It was one of the haunting experiences. I didn't know what it was then, but there was a strange feeling.I would be irritated all the time and feel sad for no reason. Days after she left, I saw an interview of Bradley Simpson. He told in the interview that he lost his mom to cancer and has written an album on how he it was like after she left. I remember at the end of the interview he and I almost tearing up into tears. The crack in his voice broke my heart. It was more than clear that he and I were feeling same emotions.

 I quickly ran into my room and put my headphones on and searched for his new album. 'Nightmares'


Edited: 05.08.2020

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