I Lied

At the year of 2017 when I was on 7th grade, our teacher told us to write a tanaga. (4 lines with 7 syllables poem) I wasn't a big fond of poetry nor I have wrote one so I took it for granted since we still have few weeks to complete that task. I took it for granted for two reasons. First is I'm lazy, second was because I'm completely and utterly down and unmotivated by the devastating fact that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disoder. And so, when I got back home, I tried to pull out a pen and writing my first word but writing for me got harder. My chest felt heavy as if I was lifting stones and I could barely breathe normally. I had forced myself to be optimistic for I had thought that being optimistic would help me write my first poem, but unfortunately, I end up failing. Failing had been a serious topic for me back when I was younger, I would even consider harming myself if I had failed a test or accidentally embarrased myself.  

I tried again and so on without me realizing that it's already been two weeks. 

That day, I came to school stressed out and unmotivated. Not even a joke from our comedian classmate had made my day.  I waited until our lunch time (since I never eat lunch in our school) to try writing again but for only this time, I wrote based on what I felt. 

When our teacher came inside our classroom, she called us by our last name to read the poem that serves to be our project for the first semester. And then, when she called me, I was a bit hesitant to show my work because I was afraid of judgments. 

Falling tears and broken smiles

Working hard but falling down

Being blue but laughing hard

Inside-out, I felt so down

She was silent at first, staring right to my work and then she glance at me.

    "Lorraine, are you okay?" She questioned. 

I smirked, "I'm fine," I lied.